Sunday, August 22, 2010

{causeless sleep}

Do you even spend an enormous part of time staring up into a pitch black ceiling while you ramain flat on your back in bed, so worked up because you have so many wonderful plans for your future? And you can't sleep. Or you wake up so early, much earlier then you should and too early to say good morning to anyone, but just lay awake, listening to your excited heart chime as it thinks up neat ideas to surprise people with, dinners to make, concerts to listen to, that first smell of coffee brewing... when you turn over in cool sheets and feel for the warmth?

And drama is that. Just drama right? I've always been a passionate believer that you have to follow your heart. Well, lets just say it's been a dream of mine to follow my heart. =) Easier said then done and then that's when I'm described as the dramatic one. While other people's dreams are appluaded and praised mine are more or less looked on with a quizzical brow and warnings to take care... you know, just in case. I believe that dreams can be realities. I believe that if you work hard enough to achieve the dreams that keep you awake late at night that they will one day come true. Very true. I wonder what it is that keeps me from believing or pursuing those things. That I REALLY love. It must be my self professed abandonment policy. When it becomes too difficult, to consuming, too hard to explain to others then I just give it up. So I think I lost a bit of muscle. Muscle I am working at learning how to get back. I'm excited to learn how to meet up with destiny and look my dreams square in the eyes and invite them to take over. You know... like ask for forgiveness for saying that they were less then dreams but silly fantasies that didn't deserve the thought, the care or the time to love into being. That must stop. I'm determined to make it stop. And I am happy to say that dreams don't die... they just get a little dusty sometimes. Rusty with age, maybe a little lost in all the jumble of everything else. But they are there. Don't worry, they will come to be. They won't be discarded and they won't be forgotten. Hold them close, build a wall around them. Create a secret garden of dreams. Sweet, lovely dreams. =) You hold the key. But perhaps you've lost it. You can find it again I promise. It comes through accepting love. All around you. Just believe... and you will find your key. =)


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