{just say go}

Gosh this year is flying by fast. I am shocked by it actually. I remember being in the throws of winter. Dark, cold, and surrounded by a world so frozen that you were sure it would never blossom or breathe again. That is until today when all of a sudden I looked out onto the lawn and noticed that the green of spring, of life and vitality had blossomed right before my eyes without me even noticing it.

Right now, I find it has been really easy for me to get caught up in the normal routine. I never wanted to be a routine person. In fact I pretty much rebelled in my own mind that I would ever accept such an existence. And here I am an adult and I am finding routine comfortable, acceptable, and pretty darn good. Well, that is until today. It is not comfortable, acceptable or good at all. I want adventure! I want escape and I want to witness a gravity of change that will make people awestruck.

I'm listening to my heart and I want someone to just say, "GO!" What's my hold up? Why am I this big stick in the mud? And why do I need to hear it? Why can't I just pull myself up and go for it? I think it is what alot of us go through. We are fearful of failure, fearful of making a mistake that will have us checking off all the regrets later on. Who wants to live with regrets? But then again, who wants to live without having lived? And I don't mean living like so many young people are encouraged to do. "Go and sow your wild oats! Take a road trip and be a gypsy for a year!" That mentality never worked well for me. I was always the responsible one, the first born who had to get things done right the first time. Because? Because I was afraid of failure and not measuring up to the canvas that everyone else had drawn out for me. Who wants to be the puppet with the strings attached to every finger of every person who wants to live vicariously through me.

So, I have endeavoured to snip the ties. The mental ones any way of those insecurities I have placed within myself to measure up to the expectations of others. When did everyone else become my God when I have one that has counted every hair on my head and knows the years of my life? I give YOU the canvas Lord. I will let you take the paintbrush and paint my masterpiece. When will it be uncovered? When will the story of my life and the grand adventure begin? Am I looking too deep, am I too complicated?

My advice, as insignificant as it is the grand scheme of things, feels compelled to say that if we hand over the control, the desire and the need everything will fall into place as it should without us tampering with it. Doesn't that feel better? Doesn't knowing that He will take care of it lighten your load? I put my trust in you, my hope in your unfailing love for me.