Thursday, April 8, 2010

{i dare you to look up}

Sometimes you don't have answers for the things you go through. But you know what I have learned to do? Not ask questions but just look up and listen. I know God has a plan and that His plan is the one I want. Why is it that we struggle facing our own futures? Is it the immensity, the unknown, or the unanswered questions of why? I know I have difficulty with it. Just tonight in fact, my own sister made me cry three times because of things that she mentioned that made me remember when we were little girls and had nothing to fear, worry or dread. We were innocent. Growing up on a farm with little animals to kiss and cuddle with every day. Then all of a sudden you find that you have grown up and things aren't exactly what you thought they would be like. Alot of things I have found in my life are spectacularily (I know, but it's a word now!) better then I thought they would be. Other things have taken my breath away and not in the good way. I have a new appreciation for that today though. After looking at those few moments that did take my breath away I realized just how much that uncomfortable stretching made me grow and made me force myself to overcome my own fears I had of myself, of others around me and of the world I was born into. Sometimes I remember feeling and still do in some way that I wasn't born for this world. Some parts of it are so against who I am. Hatred. Deceit. Worry. Death. Things that as a little girl I was protected from, sheltered and in other words denounced to understand existed. But I realized again, that those were my own barriers I had put up for myself. Barries I used to protect my soft exterior from becoming hard and rigid like so many people around me that made me despise ever growing up. But I am a grown up now. And I think I have been for a long time.

"You were born older," was a phrase that I related too when George Bailey's father on the classic film What a Wonderful Life said to his son the night he was supposed to leave for college. It was the night before his whole life was to change. His freedom was in grasp, the lights were shining, the moon was overhead and nothing was going to stop him from pursuing his dreams. Then something tragic happened. Death, loss and shaking occured. It was uncomfortable, icky and something that made him want to rebel. Yet he went ahead doing the thing that he knew in his heart was the right thing to do. He stood by his family, took on the job, and stayed behind in his mind to rot away in a dingy old town, job and life. Only what he didn't notice was that God had a better plan. What he didn't see was all the lives he touched during his trials. That he found the love of his life and could live in a ramshackled old house with five children that loved him and his soul and heart and mind were full of blessing. So even though at times, I must agree that life hands me the fuzzy end of the lollipop, I have been able to have the patience to pick off the fuzzy bits to find the sweetness underneith. And I am determined to always stay that way. I will not take second best even though it is common, acceptable, and often times the last resort. There is no last resort in God's eyes. All things are possible through Christ who strengthens us. That is if we let Him strengthen us for the journey. So yes, George, see the truth and not the lie. I choose to look up. Because there is always sunshine behind the cloud cover. The problem is that we have only been trained to see the clouds. When don't you realize that behind every dewy drop that makes up that wispy, sometimes dark cloud is a rainbow? I choose to see the promise in that rainbow. No one can take that away from me. Everything is possible. Even if it hangs from the end of a very delicate thread. It's true you can trust me. =)

So whatever you are struggling with today, whether it be your marriage, relationships, career or a life that hasn't started, don't dismay. Just look up and take a glimpse of your rainbow. Count all the colors. They are yours to enjoy, to behold and to hold on tight too. Hold on and don't let go. I intend to. I dare you to do the same.


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