Tuesday, December 20, 2011

{thinking through: messages from the heart}

I've been finding myself thinking through alot of challenging topics lately. Mostly personal ones. The ones that kind of stop you dead in your mental track and make you want to jot down a quick note and come back to it later so you can visit in prayer and ask God what direction He is actually talking about.

My life has taken HUGE directional shaping shifts in the last six months. Who knew that so much could change, in such a wonderful way. It makes me a bit blurry-eyed when I think that now, instead of looking ahead and wondering, I am living. And living it in the whole.

I couldn't have wondered or even imagined what it would be like to be a mother, or an aunt or a daughter-in-law or for that matter a wife. Women all over the world come to a realization at some time or another that all of sudden they have reached "it". You know... that moment where you kind of look at yourself in the mirror and go, "Awwww... wow. Did this just happen?" And then you answer yourself, or at least I do... (okay... yes, I do talk to myself and occasionally answer ;) "And yeah... it just sorta did."


Yes, a "wow" deserves a line of it's own, because it's really that big. Well for me at least. I guess I just didn't know what it was that actually happened. Early on while I was getting to know my husband he would occasionally say after hearing some of my child hood stories of farming that I had a pioneer spirit. I would think back on all those strong women in my family, my great grandmothers, grandmoms and my own mother and feel proud that I was next to them, although not ever feeling like one of them. Then one day, looking at all I've done... I realized that all of sudden not only am I next to and apart of but down right dang in the mix of it myself and I must say enjoying it. Full throttle ahead... big girl boots on and blazen the trails with hair in the wind wild for a life that God prepared in a little girls heart to take on.

Remember about a month ago when I listed all those things, career options and what-not that I had to shed from myself in order to step out in freedom and be... well, free? Well I'm looking back at that list and finding something really fantastic....

I have become a motivational speaker, makeup artist, cook and baker, photographer, crafter, stylist, writer, dreamer, and doer! Okay... maybe not professionally but I am these things!!! I talk to girls about their bueaty and worth, help them put on makeup and give them pointers on their outfits, love to take my little iPhone wherever I am and punch away for pictures, bake and cook for my hubby and write and dream on this blog. Now I understand why women the world over have found so much to enjoy in a place so public yet so private to their hearts. They can share that they are so much more then just a title of wife, mother, or worker. They are a list of many talents, skills, and inspirations!

I've never been good at keeping New Year's Resolutions or resolutions for anything for that matter. In fact, lists, aside from the ones I keep at work, not only stress me out but limit me in some way. I feel like, heck, if I don't complete that thing on the list or lets say do something outside of the list then it was kind of like coloring outside of the lines in a way... and I'll get my hand slapped. Well, subconsciously that's what I do. So I have allowed myself to NOT be a listy (a.k.a crazy list maker personage). One thing though that I know I HAVE to do is blog more. I find that writing no matter what it's about really opens up my heart and heals me in the process. I'm shocked by some things I put on here when I look back over old posts. Yet I know that some of the biggest eye-opening moments are the ones I have when I've taken pen to paper and just emptied out my little heart. So, in attempts to be more transparent to myself and my life's little story... there is going to be more blogging going on to the APPLAUSE of many... and my many sorries for not being a more attentive blogger and doing just what I knew I should. BLOG. So thank you, all of you that continue to read, wonder and become inspired. I need you, I love reading your comments, and I really want to not only make myself proud but YOU in the process too, not of me but of yourself. Why? Because you deserve to be proud of you and what God created. In fact, I say... Yell it from the rooftops. I can just see Him smile. :-)

Until next time....


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