Wednesday, October 6, 2010


So I was thinking today to myself (which is something I guess I really like to do, think to myself, pew) that I thought being 26 would be WAY cooler then it is right now. Okay I have nothing to complain about. Nope. Good health (like a horse, or maybe a clydesdale, doesn't that sound WAY more romantic?) money making job that I actually MOST of the time like coming into to do, and a WHOLE future a head of me to look forward to. Do you ever feel though like you've missed the mark?
You know...

Like, "I thought I would be here, look like this, have accomplished this, and so on and so forth?" It kind of is plaguing my mind lately which isn't very good, AT ALL.

So this is how it goes sometimes...

Sometimes I wonder... but I don't always wonder quietly, but usually very loudly and then I get so tired of hearing my own self think, becuase I've usually been thinking for far too long, and then I feel the anxiety of wanting to understand the answers to my questions.

So I lift my head to the sky and feel the little tears of frustration brim to JUST the edge and then... and THEN I take just a small deep breath because if I take a bigger one the tear may topple over the brim. So instead I just breathe... pants at first maybe, then calmer and then... I find myself losing my anxiety. Stepping out into the air and looking up into the sky and closing my eyes to feel the autumn heat kissing my skin as I smile, shadows of barren limbs dancing across my eyelids.

I wonder, do clouds ever feel like they are moving too slowly or evaporate too quickly? The sky was only full of really puffy happy clouds today... it was beautiful. I hope to find virture once again in patience. Am I wanting to live through my ideal life or my real life? That's a revelation isn't it? Yeah... so onward and upward right? Always and I'm giddy about it...

Really, REALLY giddy. =)


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