{my smitten mitten heart}

I'm kinda disappointed in myself that I didn't blog about this earlier. For heaven's sake people. Sad stuff. Anyway, like a bonk in the head and a duh to everyone else, it is fall. I've been so busy with home renovations to get the house in order for putting it up for sale that I sorta kinda missed... don't say it... fall. :-(
I know. Bad, bad Emme. How could you? And how did you? I don't know. But as I cooked in my little spit of a kitchen yesterday with the front door wide open beckoning in the last of what will be one of the nicest days in October, I realized I hadn't taken time to notice fall, or enjoy it. I didn't take long walks, dream under dampled laden grass, or drink my ashamadely horrible amount of pumpkin spice lattes from Caribou. I've had two? Maybe.... maybe? I know. Like I said. Sad. Sad. Stuff. Oh and to make matters even worse, only one of them was from Caribou. The other one was from a Dunn Brothers in Minneapolis when I went to go and see my sweetheart and it was... ghastly horrible. Like a mixture of coffee grounds and dirty water with some nutmeg on top. Yeah. That's PRETTY horrible. Bah.

Anywho, because I'm in a reminiscing sort of mood, I thought I'd share with you some things that make me light up about fall...

1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Come on, you're loser if you don't know what I'm talking about. Oops not nice. Sorry.
2. My wedding anniversary! WOOOYAH!
3. Crisp mornings. Great excuse to bundle up and hide the extra marriage rolls. ;-)
4. Football games. Yes. I love football now. Maybe even more so because when I am at the house alone I can turn the TV on and put on the game and imagine my sweetheart is at home.
5. Warm coats, boots, mittens. Oh gosh I said that already.

Anyway, that's the list and I know it would be longer but do you really care? Probably not. So don't worry, I don't care either. What's your favorite thing about fall? Are you getting all carried away with decorating your house for it? I am. Oh my gosh am I ever. Can't have fall outdoors have it inside right? That's my motto! ;-)

Emme

{shake, rattle, and roll: Discovering Your Calling Part 1)

I'm beginning to discover that the more you invite God into the existence of your life the more He invites you into a spiritual reality of a future He wants you to have.

I've had this nagging dream on my heart about something the last couple of days. Something I never would have thought about myself. Something I never would have taken time to pursue although when I look at it I want to bonk myself in the head and say to my heart, "Duh, that's what has been missing." I'm not quite ready to share that dream yet but soon. Yes.

When I was writing this post and trying to come up with a title these three words immediately came to mind. "Shake, rattle and roll." Or as I saw them for this post, "Let's try to bring across the effect of what it's like to figure out your calling in life." As you read from the beginning first two paragraphs of this post you realize that I am still figuring that out myself. I think we all tell each other that it really isn't that hard and it should be easier. And maybe we are just making it hard when it looks like it is easier for everyone else. Gah. No. Let's just start out with a clean slate shall we? Everyone is special. Everyone has a story that will start and end differently then the next person, AND, thank God it is different. When did we start comparing ourselves to others anyway? Stop it. Stop it right now! Don't ruin your full potential by comparing yourself to someone else.

Have you ever fallen in love with an idea that someone else has done and tried to mimick it? A craft, a way of living? Only to find out that when you start doing something similar it comes out all wrong? You don't get the same compliments, the same pleasure out of it. Yep. Been there too. That was until God said to me one day when I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have everything put together like the other person that God made me a certain way to live a certain way and to reach other people different from me in a certain way.

What I realized was that growing into the best version of me that I could be was probably going to be enough work in itself. So I settled on making it my duty to work on a part of it every day. How does this work? If I was worried about my posture and always thinking about a ballet dancers lovely posture I'd be really sure to make sure I stood up straighter when I sat down at my office chair. Or how about loving that Itialian or French language? Gosh girl, get yourself busy and into a community ed class or community college. Alot of them offer online or evening courses where you can learn at your own pace at your own time. Don't let life circumstances make up life excuses.

Write down those things you can change about yourself. Then write down those things that you are going to learn to love about yourself that you can't change. There are things I know I could never change about myself. But I have prayed to God to help me love them so that I can stop self hatred from eating me up and getting jealous of someone that I end up ministering too just because I have issues, NOT the other person.

See where I am getting at? To understand your calling begins in the beginning. Not in the middle or the end. And usually someone who is at this stage of wanting to understand their calling is looking for something more then just the ordinary. So let's take some time together and rest and relax in the Lord about our callings. Because they are there and we haven't missed out on anything. I promise.

Homework:

Get out your writing gear and Bible. Put pen to paper and get your hear out. If you don't already journal I suggest you start. There is nothing more soothing then being heard if all it ever means is you just putting it down in a private place for yourself. Let God in and let go. Write out all your zanny passions, ideas, dreams and ideals. There isn't anything perfect in this world no matter how many people tell you they have it. BUT, God can set you in a place that is perfect for you. Isn't that what we are asking for?

I thought so. :-)

September Series {Surving Change}

Hello dear readers,

This is one of those moments where you get a shot of the real. Ready for it?

Of all people I thought I was someone that probably adjusted to change better than others. I'm a chameleon when it comes to change I reminded myself. What I didn't know is that maybe it is me changing (ha ha) or it is my age but I feel like change this time around, especially with the recent news of me and my husband moving has been harder then I ever expected.

Now don't get me wrong. I am THRILLED about the adventure ahead. A new house, a new neighborhood, neighbors, a church, weather (definitely not as cold as Duluth) a new job, a new basically everything. I guess then that newness doesn't really shake me up that much. Maybe the absense of routine does. Ha. Found it.

See, since I have been married which may I remind you hasn't been that long I guess (over 11 months now) I have found that the routine of being all cuddled up with my hubby who is now missing in action living out his already new life as the other half in his new job in a new city far, far away from me has me not doing as well as I expected to.

I found that thinking I was a rather solitary creature anyway, needed more social interaction then I thought I did, really shook me up. Another surprise. Also, that maybe I am verging on the insane because I do answer my questions when I talk to myself, and maybe, just maybe, I am blue more then I thought I was because he makes me smile like no one else does.

So does that make me a needy person? Someone that can't stand on her own and be independant? That really bothered me. In fact, I was really upset by it. "You are a grown women, I said to myself one day while my little eyes teared up curling my hair one morning getting ready for work, "for heavens sake, lace up your big girl boots and kick the whole, youneedtobesocialandthatsjustthewayitis, crap out the door." As you notice my thought life towards myself isn't always stellar. lol.

I couldn't call anyone to chat. I couldn't stalk my Instagram friends and let it slip by, and I couldn't sit and read a book, listen to a song or watch a sappy girl movie without feeling it. I was lonely, and I was not enjoying this change. "FACE it, I said to myself grumpily, "this is who I am. I need people. Fine. FINE!" Grrr. See, I told you I talk to myself.

What I realized was missing was one serious change that I had let SLIP through my fingers. What I forgot almost was that I was a child of God. Not alone like I thought I was. Not invincible to change. AND, I was going to be fine. This didn't mean the end of the world. In fact this alone time meant the time I was craving most before this alone time. Time to hunker down, take out my tissue box and worship and pray. Because I needed it. I wasn't a very nice person without it. Without HIM.

God has taught me some things about change over the course of this last month. Which is why in part I didn't post anything about change like I wanted to at the beginning of this month.

Yes, I have gone through loss of a father, heart aches and heart breaks and who hasn't. Really? But, I knew that now as an adult going through these moments I could sit back and really take it in and realize what was happening. I needed a God intervention. I needed to understand that He was there for me even when I was alone. See, when I have experienced change I was surrounded. By my sisters, by my classmates, by distractions. I have busy sisters now, I am no longer a college student (thank GOD) and I don't have many distractions beside wondering what I want to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. :-)

Could I learn to trust my Jesus in my loneliness and let Him take control of my unburdened heart and let His BIG love and light shine through. Sure. I could try. But that silence at first was as silent as hearing NO pins drop. Do you hear anything when a feather drops? That was where I was at. I had to start all over again. I had to become like a little child and have a conversation on my dady's knee. But I didn't know how to do that when I hadn't even had that in my life with my real dad.

So I climbed up. At first, I was worried about tearing His robe as I tried to pull myself up. At first I was worried that my tears would leave mascara marks on his shoulder. At first, I was afraid that if He heard me cry He would think I was gross and disgusting for finally realizing that I needed help for loneliness and that I finally realized that I was a basket case and needed help. At first, I was worried that He would be disappointed in me because I was angry about unresolved things, worried about what I should do next, and that I didn't have any plans or goals for my future layed out. I was just a slobbering mess of insecurities and anger and LONELINESS.

He pulled me up. I didn't tear anything. I cried all over Him and He didn't push me away or run for the Tide pen to clean His robe from the flood of ink. He didn't make me feel stupid or less loved when I told Him that I felt stupid, that I should have known better. Instead, He pulled me in closer then I could have imagined. So close that I could barely breathe at times because He didn't want any extra room for anything else between us but just me and Him. Do you know how soft His lap is? How caring His eyes are? How comforting His warm hand feels on your heart? If you don't you're missing out.

Wow. I felt reborn again. All of a sudden all the anger, all the "what ifs" all the frustration I had inside and loneliness that I had felt before lifted. It wasn't that it was gone. BUT, now I had the tools to approach them as a more put together woman that God created me to be.

Daniel was chuckling at me the other day. "How's the sanding going sweetheart?" I had been sanding for what felt like hours. My arms were BURNING, my heart was pounding and I was getting tired. Whew. I wasn't mad, I wasn't resentful for having to do it but I was huffing up a storm. It was HARD work. "Good, I said. In fact, this is perfect devil stomping work. Really cathartic actually" I texted back. And I did. I stomped stomped and stomped some more. Taking back territory in my life that needed changing. One of them being those thoughts in my mind. I needed to give God control over my thoughts. I needed to CHANGE this area of me that could destroy my outlook on life. NOW.

What I am most thankful for is that Jesus never changes. He is constant. I need that. I need constancy. One routine you can always count on is Him loving you. He doesn't just show up for dinner, or special times at dessert parties, He is always there. Even better, close to you, in your being, your heart. Nothing quiet like it.

So in this season of change, how do you handle it gracefully? I've got one tip for you. Give YOURSELF grace. Oh and if I can add another. Pray. Keep Jesus close. Meditate on His words of change in the Bible. I love what Charles Spurgeon says....

“It is well for us that, amidst all the variableness of life, there is One whom change cannot affect; One whose heart can never alter, and on whose brow mutability can make no furrows.”

One particular verse that I spoke over my heart every day was this one from Number 23:19 that reads:

God is not human, that he should lie,

not a human being, that he should change his mind.

Does he speak and then not act?

Does he promise and not fulfill?

 

My point exactly. Nuff said.

 

Join me next month for October's series on finding your role as a daughter of the king in all the mess of life. I think you'll really enjoy it. I sure did.

Until next time....

{i'm back! AND... with an update!}

Hey there bloggers!

Long time no see uh? I've been gone for six months. GASP! Oh my goodness. Let's just say that it was a much needed break but also a time to reflect on what I want this blog to be and where I see it going in the future. You'll see that I've made some big changes and updated all of my pages at the top (including our love story and wedding pictures! YAY!). Taking time away from blogging really allowed me to focus on my new family, my passions, interests and also grow as a human being (because who stops the growing process right?). Anywho... it's all about honesty here and I love being able to do that with my blog too!

One of the exciting things that I am SO thrilled to start on this blog is monthly series. I will have guest bloggers, artists, and just plain cool women (even some brave ladies from my own family!) to talk about change, love, raising kids, growing up and just living. We all need a boost and so why not help boost each other up? Right? Of course right. :-)

AND, to the update. I am moving! Seems to me that alot of bloggers are moving out there. Maggie at Gussy Sews, Naomi at Rockstar Diaries,  Molly at Urban Nester, and Britt over at Secondhand Magpie. Whoosh. Lots of change. How'd it all go down? Well, Husband was blessed beyond peachy pie to get a nice new dig down in the big city of Minneapolis, he starts next week! YIKES! That means little Emme here has got to get herself packed up with the two furry kids, including selling a house and get her little self down there soon so that she can be with hubby (could be a month or so). So it's farewell to the Northwoods and holla to the big City. Never thought I'd actually say those words out of my mouth but heck, when you follow an awesome God you go where He leads you and to the City we will go. Oh and for the record? Both of us are SUPER excited. Like beyond excited. So cheers to fresh starts and follow the call! YAY!

Oh and back to regularly scheduled blogging starting in September. With a list of my new personal goals, blog goals and a series on change. I know with all the change I'm going through lately it sure has caused me to fall on my knees more then once in prayer. So lets adventure through the good old book together and see if we can't fiind some encouragement and inspiration to set our feet on the right path. Shall we?

See you in September!

Emme

{siesta}

I know I've been absent. In fact, I'm pretty sure that isn't even the right answer. If I was on a team like Biggest Loser, Amazing Race or Survivor, I'd get kicked off for being a really bad team player.

Honestly though... I've just been really busy with life. No soo busy that I am not enjoying it but so busy that I am honestly not having enough time to do all the things I love, and still sit down at this blog every day and write out the details, the inspirations and or the stories of said adventures. When I crawl in to bed at night I am pooped. That good bone tired, "that was a GREAT day" pooped.

So, after much thought, I've decided to take a little hiatus away from blogging until I can figure out life, my routine, and more importantly time manage myself better so that I can actually take the time I want to to create worthwhile, swoon worthy posts that you all deserve.

Sorry for being boring and sorry for not being perfect. But just so you know, I am watching all of you, reading all of you, and being inspired by all of you. So keep up the good work and keep smiling! Because that's what I'm doing. Smile after smile after lovely smile. God's been good to me and I'm livin' it up in a BIG way.

Love you all!

Emme

{breathe deep}

For some reason... all I needed to see today was this picture. It lifted my heart. I guess I'm already sick of winter and looking forward to warm breezes caught up in brightly colored scarves.

Breathing space. Sometimes... everyone just needs a moment to rest.

{sickness, love and homemade bread}

 

... to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

I've been sick lately. Actually we both have. I had the wrenching stomach flu last week and my poor love has it this week.

There is something about being sick and being married that is so sweet. Up until last week I hadn't had the opportunity to show my husband how deadly sick I look like I become when I get the stomach flu. In fact, it's so bad that sometimes I think I convince myself that I am dying too. Who knew that such a tiny microscopic bug could make a little tummy like mine react like I had succumbed to an incubous plague! Well, it does. Every time.

But I've been doing alot of thinking lately. It has to do with "in sickness and in health" that really makes my heart swell. There I was doubled over in the most unflattering fashion with the most horrible noises known to man and there he is waiting in a cozy little bed upstairs by the bathroom, waiting everytime for me to get back in so he can open up the covers for me and welcome me back in to a warm bed and his strong arms. Now if that isn't love I don't know what is. Do you have someone that still kisses you even when you have the flu? That checks your temperature by laying his cheek on your forehead? That holds your hand while you sleep and gets cold washclothes for your forehead and sippy cups full of gatorade? I don't think so. In fact I am pretty sure that I don't know anyone married to a guy like the one I have. I really feel sometimes like I don't deserve it. It's that good.

He even makes me my lunch for the day. Yes. My favorite too. Peanut butter and jelly. I love him so much I could just... well, smother him with lovin'. Mmmhm!

So on to getting better and taking care of my poor dear one that is nothing other then stranded at home taking a nap between watching the Mummy (see I told you he was super cute). And that brings me to the homemade bread....

See, I have this thing about homemade bread. This belief that a home just isn't a home until it has had real homemade bread baked in it's oven. My bread. My new home. My new bread pan. My oven. I guess you can see I am a bit passionate about it. And look, it turned out just as it should. Moist and spongey, light and flaky perfectly browned crust (believe me... that was a weird one even for me) and a heavenly taste and aroma. He was excited too! Oh yes, we both were. Waiting for it to rise, twice. Wiating for the oven to warm and heat. Waiting for the goodness to come up and show itself up out of that pan. Then holding it with glee as I placed it proudly on the counter and stood looking at it in amazement. "I did it. I made bread in MY home." Not my mom's house, not my girlfriends' homes. But mine. For MY little family. Just the two of us. And so came the moment to saw into that golden round heap and slather salty and sweet butter on it and gobble it up. One... by one... by one. Mmmm! Too delightful for words. And I smiled. Yep. My home was real and complete in someway. I had made it so... with my two own hands. Wow.

It made it safe somehow. Warm. Cozy. Full of good things. It truly is my Gingerbread House. My little brick house with it's warming oven and sweet treats and delicious meals, kisses, hugs, and nights in front of the television watching movies, praying and singing and living. It's just the way I've always wanted. Emily's house. Yes.

And that people. That's a good thing.

{thinking through: messages from the heart}

I've been finding myself thinking through alot of challenging topics lately. Mostly personal ones. The ones that kind of stop you dead in your mental track and make you want to jot down a quick note and come back to it later so you can visit in prayer and ask God what direction He is actually talking about.

My life has taken HUGE directional shaping shifts in the last six months. Who knew that so much could change, in such a wonderful way. It makes me a bit blurry-eyed when I think that now, instead of looking ahead and wondering, I am living. And living it in the whole.

I couldn't have wondered or even imagined what it would be like to be a mother, or an aunt or a daughter-in-law or for that matter a wife. Women all over the world come to a realization at some time or another that all of sudden they have reached "it". You know... that moment where you kind of look at yourself in the mirror and go, "Awwww... wow. Did this just happen?" And then you answer yourself, or at least I do... (okay... yes, I do talk to myself and occasionally answer ;) "And yeah... it just sorta did."

WOW!

Yes, a "wow" deserves a line of it's own, because it's really that big. Well for me at least. I guess I just didn't know what it was that actually happened. Early on while I was getting to know my husband he would occasionally say after hearing some of my child hood stories of farming that I had a pioneer spirit. I would think back on all those strong women in my family, my great grandmothers, grandmoms and my own mother and feel proud that I was next to them, although not ever feeling like one of them. Then one day, looking at all I've done... I realized that all of sudden not only am I next to and apart of but down right dang in the mix of it myself and I must say enjoying it. Full throttle ahead... big girl boots on and blazen the trails with hair in the wind wild for a life that God prepared in a little girls heart to take on.

Remember about a month ago when I listed all those things, career options and what-not that I had to shed from myself in order to step out in freedom and be... well, free? Well I'm looking back at that list and finding something really fantastic....

I have become a motivational speaker, makeup artist, cook and baker, photographer, crafter, stylist, writer, dreamer, and doer! Okay... maybe not professionally but I am these things!!! I talk to girls about their bueaty and worth, help them put on makeup and give them pointers on their outfits, love to take my little iPhone wherever I am and punch away for pictures, bake and cook for my hubby and write and dream on this blog. Now I understand why women the world over have found so much to enjoy in a place so public yet so private to their hearts. They can share that they are so much more then just a title of wife, mother, or worker. They are a list of many talents, skills, and inspirations!

I've never been good at keeping New Year's Resolutions or resolutions for anything for that matter. In fact, lists, aside from the ones I keep at work, not only stress me out but limit me in some way. I feel like, heck, if I don't complete that thing on the list or lets say do something outside of the list then it was kind of like coloring outside of the lines in a way... and I'll get my hand slapped. Well, subconsciously that's what I do. So I have allowed myself to NOT be a listy (a.k.a crazy list maker personage). One thing though that I know I HAVE to do is blog more. I find that writing no matter what it's about really opens up my heart and heals me in the process. I'm shocked by some things I put on here when I look back over old posts. Yet I know that some of the biggest eye-opening moments are the ones I have when I've taken pen to paper and just emptied out my little heart. So, in attempts to be more transparent to myself and my life's little story... there is going to be more blogging going on to the APPLAUSE of many... and my many sorries for not being a more attentive blogger and doing just what I knew I should. BLOG. So thank you, all of you that continue to read, wonder and become inspired. I need you, I love reading your comments, and I really want to not only make myself proud but YOU in the process too, not of me but of yourself. Why? Because you deserve to be proud of you and what God created. In fact, I say... Yell it from the rooftops. I can just see Him smile. :-)

Until next time....

{merry merry christmas}

It's been a very merry Christmas around the McClain home. Just look at that wreath full of 'joy'. Honestly... It couldnt be more cute! I'm even more proud because I made it. Yes, Emme made it. Her very own Christmas wreath. :-D the only thing missing? A bow. I know. I have the ribbon but at this point not the guts... Or should i say the know how on how to make one. Well I would have if Safari on my iPhone would have let me download the video from Better Homes and Gardens on how to make a bow for a Christmas wreath. I guess that's just a another tell tale sign that I need to buckle down and spend the extra buckeroos for the 4S. Well, soon... mobile Blogger. Soon! But in any case, here it is. I love it alot!

{lazy weekend rituals}

It was just a wonderful weekend!

{it's a snowy one}

My name etched into a table at Caribou Coffee. How weird is that?

Yay! It's finally here. Snow! I know... wacky me. But it's true. I squeeled a little bit over it last night as honey and I got ready to rest under the covers. The frost, the glimmering icicles and the warm feeling you get in your heart when you think of all the fun holidays up ahead. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. All waiting and brand new and worth rediscovering all over again. I have some fun new things I want to try like old fashioned cookies using irons and such. I can't wait to post pictures of THOSE adventures. Probably means you'll see me in a bunch of flour and sticky with goopy dough, sugars and frosting. YAY!

What else has been going on? Well, next week, over Thanksgiving, honey and I will be bussing it to Cleveland with our polka group to perform on stage for all the admiring polka peoples. LOL! Not being home for the first time in my life for Thanksgiving is a kind of weird feeling. I've known for a while now so I've had plenty of time to process it but it still will be weird not going over to the house and enjoying that traditional meal with my sisters. I look forward to calling them though and hearing all about it. If it has snowed, how the turkey is doing or whatever savory meat mom has decided on, and if the cranberry salad worked better this year then last.

With marriage comes a whole new outlook on what family is. I think you grow up thinking that family and or family traditions are what they are because of what you have always remembered and I know a lot of people that get bent out of shape because a holiday or event has gone differently then they planned. The expected people weren't there, we didn't get the Butterball turkey we ALWAYS get and on and on. Also not many people get the advantage like I have of marrying into a kind and loving family. It has been a gift. A blessing of sweetness I could have never prayed enough for. =) I have gained, not lost. I am surrounded, not alone. And I feel treasured. Always. SO wonderful! =)

So what are your holiday plans? I look forward to hearing about them!

{weekend round-up}

Good Monday to yah!

Yep, back to work. Boy was it hard waking up this morning. I would so have loved to just stay in bed, cuddle up to my cozy love and call it a day. But I guess every day can't be a Sunday morning. Well, in my book it would be. :-)

But without further adieu here are my Instagram pics from our weekend together. Enjoy!

A Fa La La Latte at Caribou and a slice of banana bread. Mmmm... it was sunny and chilly on Friday. Got some errands done too!

And I love the way that Caribou thinks of the little things. Look at this neat napkin! Love it!

Then on Saturday, honey and I went to a UMD Bulldogs (University of Minnesota Duluth) hockey game. It was AWESOME and they won!!! Go DOGS!!!!

Love hockey... and football (getting the hang of it actually, yay!)

Tonight? The Vikings are playing against the Greenbay Packers. Oh yeah... So honey and I are heading to Blackwoods restaurant to watch the game and enjoy a few appetizers. Mmmm!

I hope you enjoyed YOUR weekend! I know I sure did!

Next weekend? I have to some Christmas shopping done. Yikes! I have my list... just need to actually get to it. :-) Whew.

{happy conclusion: series on giving thanks}

Yesterday I had an eye-awakening experience. A moment in my life that I know for certain I will never forget. One of those times where you purpose yourself to see your life. What it was, what it is, and what it could be. And a certain resolve inside my heart began... something I never thought I'd be mature enough to accept. Something I thought I'd be settled to do when I was a few years older, retired, kicking back my heels and scouring over inspiration boards to decide "what's next?" Only I think that happened for me yesterday, instead.... it just sorta hit me is all.

I've been consumed lately with an idea that I hadn't quite found the epitome of being if you know what I mean. And I guess that sounds like youth talking there. But it was a bit more then that for me. I had a bunch of old conversations racing back and forth in my not so organized cerebral cortex... composing a list... and here it is... a list of things that I had DREAMED of doing. Or more so, fantazied over. Some of them are worth laughing about... but I'm being honest... they made me stop and think. Quite often actually. Wondering if I had wasted an opportunity and maybe in my pursuit to get to ONE place I managed to miss the Right/TRUE place all together. So here goes the list...

forensic scientist
interior designer
lawyer
teacher
college administrator
bank broker
writer/author
professional photographer
baker
flower shop owner
event planner for the big shots
magazine editor
life coach
advocate
speaker
musician
vocalist and etertainer
researcher
philanthropist
world traveler
student
entrepreneur
athlete
professional cake decorator
actress
super model
(blah, blah, choke... yeah... blah)

... and I suppose the list could go on and on. But that is where I felt comfortable resting...

These were ideals of my future. Ideals that once I wrote each one out and weighed the pros and cons on paper... something I never did, I realized that my desires were very performance based. A reality of my life for a very long time before I had a chance to actually have someone speak into my life and make me notice them. Not that performance is bad. But in my case it was. It was to stand above the crowd, make myself proud while putting others down and most likely ruin myself in the process.

One of the most humbling experiences I had this past summer was realizing how stuck up I had become in my opinion of others. I wanted to wave my glimmering cocktail ring, flash my killer smile and sway in and out of traffic in a high rise affording the comforts and also not comprehending the calamities that come from living in vanity. The vanity of a broken heart. Thankfully I was able to talk to someone about those things... and realized that long ago my passion was to go out and work in the streets with the homeless, pick them up out of the rubble of their grime, their debt, their insecurities, their sexually transmitted diseases and their broken hearts. Things I didn't have, but things I wanted to know more about because I felt this deep love and belonging to be there. But I felt compelled to blaze ahead and make my mark on the world. Only I realized that my mark would have been just another imprint of someones selfish motives and... gain. (hard swallow). Thankfully after alot of prayer and inner healing with hours spent wretching my soul and heart out over the bed post, I was able to hear my heart talking. The heart that God had created.

Another thing I surmised from this list I created yesterday, is just how stressful those stypes of jobs are to me.. in reality. I don't enjoy the thought of doing one of them at all. Just a few examples I'll share are this:

Forensic lab tech.

Okay. Sounds cool. Who wouldn't want to be as awesome as Abby Sciuto on NCIS. But in reality... you are going to be working with dead bodies. That is one things I absolutely ABHORE! Body parts, body fluids, dead things. They make me faint with the willies and that is truth. Scratch that from the list.

Lawyer.

Do I have the brains? Hell yeah. Do I love the outfit? You betcha baby. However, big problem here. I would ultimately in most cases end up having to defend someone I know in my HEART would be dead wrong. I can't justify certain things and I also am not the type to bend the rules to give me a promotion, put my face up on a billboard or have people send me congratulatory crates of wine. I'd die. Not right away but later I would. Oh and not to offend any one on purpose, because I know for a fact that there are awesome lawyers out there, but I would have become a nasty man hater, single, still abused, and drinking my life away while I dressed myself in Gucci. Yep. One big, cold heart smuggler of lies. Yuck.

Want another one? Sure you do. Because I want you to see just how hard I worked and how good God is.

Philanthropist.

Who DOESN'T like money? My gosh. Blow me away with it and wrap me up in a cacoon. It really DOES make life easier and if it is given to the right person it could make a hell of a lot of difference too. With the right person. Only thing is... don't you dislike those people that have all that money then go around waving it nonchalantly (because they can) then ever so often when the spirit stirs them (chuckle)... they go and help some poor needy soul and EVERYONE hears about it? Even if it was down quitely and discreetly somehow (and you know how) the real deal comes out and it usually comes out when that other person for some reason, the poor soul, finds themselves at odds with the giver. Then all of a sudden the plight of helping out that once so lowly person becomes the breadth and width of martyrdom. Oh SAVE me God from such a fate. Therefore, and I am so comfortable to have God lavish on me the love that He has for me to give. Love is sacrifice. You can't tell me it isn't because everything about love is sacrifice. Philanthropy is NOT sacrifice. It's just bending the bucket over enough for a few drops to flow and very subjectively hold it back until YOU feel that your desired wishes for that person are met. All of a sudden it isn't God's money anymore or even His plan for that person's life. It's yours. And that... gosh.. that scares me to death. I don't want to be God. LOL!

So there... reality check complete ( and you are glad I only share with you the THREE of the 26 fantasies I had) and I would like to say... a very happy one. But this is what I found yesterday as I was looking over the Skyline over my beautiful Duluth... all ready for winter...

...was that I know what I am destined for and what I am SO happy to embrace.

Cuz here I am, a 27 year old wife, with two children and a grandaughter. =) (You should SEE my smile). This is a job that is beautiful and fits me to a "T". I don't want to be a professional cook or baker, but I want to make my family the best, so I will continue to hone my craft. I'm not super crafty but every once in a while I love making something that stirs my heart, warms the soul, and brings coziness to my home.

I'm not rich, can't stand in front of a judge, can't design a building or piece together a broken body... but I am rich in spirit, stand up for what's right, make a pretty hunky dorey cake with my Wilton cake decorating kit (love that thing) and kiss the hurts. That's dreaming.

And dreams aren't about being skinny, walking down a runway or running down a track in two minutes flat. It's about glowing, healthy, confidence, something you can be proud of, show off and kick up your work boots, flats or heals about in equally humble fashion... whatever your style, or mine is for that matter, because it changes all the time... hour, minute, second.

What I found is that I don't have to do any of those things on my long list of day dreams in order to live a well fashioned life. In fact, I already do alot of them anyway... as hobbies that I fully and utterly enjoy. I know that if I took one of them on as a profession the joy and luster of them would fade and it would end up just as I dread it would. A chore. Now that would be worth crying over. So no. Guess what? I am a wife! A mother! A grandma for heavens sake! And I couldn't be happier. I am going to make cakes, take photos for my blog, watch NCIS, enjoy day trips in my car like a dog all gaga over car rides and decorate my home, and love on and lift up all those around me like it is no one else's business and I am going to be better then anyone too. ;-) Because I feel... Like I'm finally living the life that I KNOW in my heart God called and set apart for me to do. This is my ministry. My life to touch others and breathe into them the same love and joy and care that God showed me when I thought I was miss hot stuff (rolling my eyeballs).

Yeah... that's something to GIVE THANKS about.

{date night: coldstone ice cream}

I love ice cream. In fact, if I had a choice between ever eating anything ever again, last meal sort of thing... it would probably be ice cream. And yes, I did refer to it as a meal. By golly... I am most honestly one of those people that DOES eat dessert before the actual meal and I like it that way. Mmmm... so good. But anyways, back to how much I LOVE ice cream and thankfully hubby agrees, wholeheartedly. :-) Thank goodness! Whew. (wipes sweat from concerned brow).

Coldstone is our very favorite and may I add... our first date spot too. Over three years ago now. :-) What a precious memory. :-)

This makes me more excited then seeing colorful candies lined up in jars!

His? Chocolate lovers with brownie. LOVE it.
Hers? Sweet cream with graham cracker and Heath candy bar. Mmm. LIKE it. ;-)

Oh yeah... look at that big honking brownie sticking out of his. Sheesh!

Must love a guy that likes ice cream and even more so a guy that will trail behind you carrying a basket as I parade through Michaels (before said ice cream drop off) picking out little trinkets for making a wreath for a silent auction at work. But look at all my cool supplies! And all for under $30 too! I have a bunch of unused burlap from the wedding, glue and neat crafty paper too. Honey says that at the rate I'm going I'll need to get myself a craft box. LOL! Ooo.. don't tempt me. I just might take that on. I have a few ideas to start my own online shop... off the blog through Etsy. I would really like your ideas and advice if you have ever done it.

FUN!

Oh and before you grow too concerned that my husband only has sweets for dinner, you can be rest assured that we had a pretty super tasting soup right before we headed out. Mmmm... something to warm the soul and the heart before the trek out in the chilly air.

Oh my goodness right?

And, AND, just take a look at this framed picture! We came home to a large box on the front step... well two actually (my dress came back from being cleaned and packaged) and another. I opened it up and couldn't believe me eyes! Inside was a watercolor from my hubby's aunt detailing the barn where we got married! Here he had talked to her before the wedding, hoping to have her do a picture of the barn for me for his bride. Wow. I cried. Yep I did. The sobbing kind... with BIG tears. My heart just melted. What a sweet, kind man. Gosh. I treasure him. :-)

So that night... under the blankies in my new bed close to my love I  GAVE THANKS. With all my heart!

{truth to share: series on giving thanks}

I love quotes and I love even more how some of them resonate deep inside you. I happened upon this one in particular not too long ago and fell in love... literally.

There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad dalight of perperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

I hope it speaks to your heart has much as it did mine. And hopefully as you remember yourself in these moments in time, during the moments that find you fighting for breath and belonging and grasping for some truth that you remember that God created in you a spark of heavenly fire that was meant to pull itself up from the ashes and look into the eyes of your savior and relinquish control, and choose life over death. Stop ruminating on the past and the round table of never ending angonies that never get resolved. Stop shaming and blaming in your hurt, bitterness and missed opportunities.

One of the things I have struggled to resolve for myself is why certain people find the need to put others down just when they needed those people in their lives... and most often were the strongest to bring them through. I get these calls from girlfriends who I haven't heard from in years wanting advice when their own scorn burned and scared my heart. Now, I can choose to do the same, I can choose to dwell on the differences of their lifestyles from mine, their outlooks on life and even their relationship with God. However, what I cannot dimiss is their need for relationship and my call by God to maybe be the only real relational loving character in their life, possibly guiding them to Christ. Why is MY vindicatioin more important then their salvation? (Wise words).  Moreover, why are MY attributes assets and theirs a liability in my mind. When if you think strongly on what it says in the Word, Paul said that all he was, all his training and wordly titles and accomplishments were nothing in the grand scheme of things... especially considering that all of it is dust. Just makes you think... well it makes me think anyway.

My boss the other day... asked me why I can treat people so fairly, even the ones that don't deserve to be treated that way. I looked at him and said, "Because I have no reason NOT too. I have no right by God to talk behind their backs, get even, or suggest to others that their right is wrong in my eyes. Who is the judge? I most certainly am not." His eyes got big and I think I painted a picture for him. "Furthermore, I said, "These chidlren... no matter what their age have a mother. I can't hurt someone's kid." He chuckled but I was serious. 

It's life lessons like these that make me want to GIVE THANKS.

Emily

{weekend recap}

Walloped. I mean it too. Saturday took on a whole new form of being just dead serious sick. High fever, aches from head to toe and now... crud in the lungs that just keeps tickling my throat. Yuck. Dear hubby has the yuck too and is managing to make it through the night without too much couphing, poor guy.

A few things I realized that I never understood so well before... before I was married. Just how much your heart GROWS in depth and caring and empathy. When I thought I could only love SO much and then there... without even telling you, you find yourself loving more. More purely, more deeply, more in the now. I have heard from other women that holding your new born baby for the first time is one of those experiences as well... that this love just takes over you... and you don't know where it comes from, but that it just has arrived. Well, in any case, I love being married. It was meant to be. =)

So a little weekend recap. Come Sunday I was feeling much better and we decided to head out on a lunch date after church at one of our favorite places, the Northern Waters Smokehaus down in Canal Park. I've blogged about it before, but never really got a chance perse to tell you just why I love it so much. =) Well here goes!

Cute atmosphere in the Smokehaus Cafe...

They find the neatest chips to go along with lunch... Gourmet and organic. Hubby and I both picked something we never had before. He liked the Parmesan and Garlic and I went with the sweet Maui Onion. AWESOME! 

Our drive down to Park Point. Rather dark and windy but mysterious too in a way.

THIS is the sandwhich... half of it too by the way. The Cajun Finn. Nothing like it in the whole world. A crunchy/chewy Ciabatta bun with cream cheese on one side and dilled cream cheese on the other. Then romaine lettuce, pickled banana peppers, oven roasted red bell peppers in olive oil, the smoked salmon and again that lovely dilled cream cheese... nothing like it. And very filling. Mmmmm! WOW!!

Seagulls swaying back in forth above the car from the strong breeze off the bay. Honey and I laughed over the antics of the goofy birds. It was hysterical!

Our pop tops from the cream soda and rootbeer. Hubby's favorite is cream soda. Love it!

A close up. ;-)

And that was our lunch date! LOVE it. Thanks honey!

{happy friday}

Happy Friday and welcome to a new cold. Awesome. Honey had one so I think I was due... but yucky... I don't like them one bit. But I guess no one does do they? Headache, chills, aches... all that lovely stuff... and don't forget about the sore throat. I think that is the worst part. But thanks to a stash of zinc losenges from my honey, I should be good to go in no time at all!
Some pictures from Instagram from the week... love these!

A Caribou run... Mmmm... White Chocolate Pumpkin Latte. Happiness in a cup!

A storm over Lake Superior looking over Skyline. Wow uh? Yeah... it gave ME goosebumps.

Watching the Vikings WIN this time... Honey and I were in our cozies enjoying the game.

My first time making cookies in my new kitchen! YAY!

{now presenting mr. and mrs.}

I am back and all the wedding planning, unpacking and preparing are behind me and I am happily married and settling in to my new life. I had a lot of advice going into this wedding. Don't do this, do this, don't do that, you'll regret that. And honestly, there isn't anything I didn't do or did or regretted doing that day. It was perfect. And when I say perfect, it really was and thanks to all the people involved and all the great planning that hubby and I did for a good five months beforehand, it went without a hitch. :-)

I will have a full wedding story and pictures coming soon... I'm just reprogramming my brain housing group and also looking at others way to reprogram this blog to fit my new outlook and my new adventures. Look forward to upcoming awesomeness!

Emily

{preparing hydrangeas for a fall display}

Well hello again!

If you can't tell already (especially after me blogging for over three years) you know I have a huge obsession with the season fall. Something about it just makes me SO happy. And one of those things is gathering fall flowers to dry and arrange for around the house, livening up some of those dreary months of winter up ahead.

Thankfully, my almost hubby's garden is overflowing with the most dramatic and stunning hydrangeas you have ever seen! (I know... how lucky am I to have a guy with a green thumb? ) Anyway, yesterday I spent part of the morning going through the changing blooms and snipping them to dry for the wedding less then three weeks away (pic attached). There are a few tips though that make drying hydrangeas a snap!

The secret to perfectly dried hydrangeas is very simple. Wait until they are ready before picking them. The timing is much more important than the method one uses to dry them.
While it is tempting to cut the hydrangea blossoms for drying at the height of their color, this doesn't work. Fresh, recently opened blooms, rarely dry well in the open air. Hydrangeas do best when allowed to dry on the plant before picking them (believe me... I learned the hard way once). Experiment with harvesting from August through October.

Cutting the blooms is realy easy too. I like my stems long so that I can arrange them easier. Otherwise, you are arranging little puff balls and it's rather awkward. While you are snipping near the base, strip the leaves at the same time. I usually keep a bag next to me where I can feed them into while I'm working (they go into the compost bin afterward) then I arrange the blooms on their stalks in a laundry basket (you'll be surprised how quickly you run out of room with that many blossoms.) After you have cut all the stems that you like, give them a little jiggle to remove any buggies before bringing them inside. Then, get a large container something that has some natural weight to it (I used a vintage glass pitcher) and arrange them naturally without water. They will try on their own in about a week or two. On a side note, make sure that they aren't in a window with full sun. The blooms will wilt and then won't dry as nicely. Just put them in a shady corner or better yet a dry corner of your basement and then bring them up when they are ready.
In the south, hydrangeas usually age to a blushing green color and then pick up shades of pink and burgundy as Fall approaches. In the cooler areas of the world, they seem to age to shades of blue and purple. They are both equally beautiful to me, but very different. Here in Duluth, the hydrangeas turn a lovely shade of burgundy and cream with purpley and bluey-green highlights. SO lovely.
So there you go, a fool proof way of cutting and setting hydrangeas to decorate your house for fall and winter! Have any questions? Just let me know. I'd love to help you with ideas.
 
Emme

{hiatus over and an announcement}

Wow, I hadn't realized that it was over two months since I've actually blogged about anything. Alot has happened in the past two months and an update is in order! STAT! :-)

So why the big gap in time? Well I'll tell you and it was for good reason, yes sir's and ma'ams! ;-) Emily's Muse has a Mr. in her life and she is getting married this October 22nd. So now you know why I have been absent. No time to blog because I have been busy wedding planning. And what fun it is! Especially when you have such a fun and willing partner who has as much creative juices flowing in his handsome head as I thought I've ever had myself. So without further adieu, blogging is back in my life and so are the fun updates, adventures, recipes and now the addition of lovely love! YAY! Can't wait to keep you all in the loop.

Emme

P.S. Just one of the many projects underway. Jars of bumbleberry jam for wedding favors. Gosh, I sure do love my Instagram app!