{my smitten mitten heart}

I'm kinda disappointed in myself that I didn't blog about this earlier. For heaven's sake people. Sad stuff. Anyway, like a bonk in the head and a duh to everyone else, it is fall. I've been so busy with home renovations to get the house in order for putting it up for sale that I sorta kinda missed... don't say it... fall. :-(
I know. Bad, bad Emme. How could you? And how did you? I don't know. But as I cooked in my little spit of a kitchen yesterday with the front door wide open beckoning in the last of what will be one of the nicest days in October, I realized I hadn't taken time to notice fall, or enjoy it. I didn't take long walks, dream under dampled laden grass, or drink my ashamadely horrible amount of pumpkin spice lattes from Caribou. I've had two? Maybe.... maybe? I know. Like I said. Sad. Sad. Stuff. Oh and to make matters even worse, only one of them was from Caribou. The other one was from a Dunn Brothers in Minneapolis when I went to go and see my sweetheart and it was... ghastly horrible. Like a mixture of coffee grounds and dirty water with some nutmeg on top. Yeah. That's PRETTY horrible. Bah.

Anywho, because I'm in a reminiscing sort of mood, I thought I'd share with you some things that make me light up about fall...

1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Come on, you're loser if you don't know what I'm talking about. Oops not nice. Sorry.
2. My wedding anniversary! WOOOYAH!
3. Crisp mornings. Great excuse to bundle up and hide the extra marriage rolls. ;-)
4. Football games. Yes. I love football now. Maybe even more so because when I am at the house alone I can turn the TV on and put on the game and imagine my sweetheart is at home.
5. Warm coats, boots, mittens. Oh gosh I said that already.

Anyway, that's the list and I know it would be longer but do you really care? Probably not. So don't worry, I don't care either. What's your favorite thing about fall? Are you getting all carried away with decorating your house for it? I am. Oh my gosh am I ever. Can't have fall outdoors have it inside right? That's my motto! ;-)

Emme

{shake, rattle, and roll: Discovering Your Calling Part 1)

I'm beginning to discover that the more you invite God into the existence of your life the more He invites you into a spiritual reality of a future He wants you to have.

I've had this nagging dream on my heart about something the last couple of days. Something I never would have thought about myself. Something I never would have taken time to pursue although when I look at it I want to bonk myself in the head and say to my heart, "Duh, that's what has been missing." I'm not quite ready to share that dream yet but soon. Yes.

When I was writing this post and trying to come up with a title these three words immediately came to mind. "Shake, rattle and roll." Or as I saw them for this post, "Let's try to bring across the effect of what it's like to figure out your calling in life." As you read from the beginning first two paragraphs of this post you realize that I am still figuring that out myself. I think we all tell each other that it really isn't that hard and it should be easier. And maybe we are just making it hard when it looks like it is easier for everyone else. Gah. No. Let's just start out with a clean slate shall we? Everyone is special. Everyone has a story that will start and end differently then the next person, AND, thank God it is different. When did we start comparing ourselves to others anyway? Stop it. Stop it right now! Don't ruin your full potential by comparing yourself to someone else.

Have you ever fallen in love with an idea that someone else has done and tried to mimick it? A craft, a way of living? Only to find out that when you start doing something similar it comes out all wrong? You don't get the same compliments, the same pleasure out of it. Yep. Been there too. That was until God said to me one day when I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have everything put together like the other person that God made me a certain way to live a certain way and to reach other people different from me in a certain way.

What I realized was that growing into the best version of me that I could be was probably going to be enough work in itself. So I settled on making it my duty to work on a part of it every day. How does this work? If I was worried about my posture and always thinking about a ballet dancers lovely posture I'd be really sure to make sure I stood up straighter when I sat down at my office chair. Or how about loving that Itialian or French language? Gosh girl, get yourself busy and into a community ed class or community college. Alot of them offer online or evening courses where you can learn at your own pace at your own time. Don't let life circumstances make up life excuses.

Write down those things you can change about yourself. Then write down those things that you are going to learn to love about yourself that you can't change. There are things I know I could never change about myself. But I have prayed to God to help me love them so that I can stop self hatred from eating me up and getting jealous of someone that I end up ministering too just because I have issues, NOT the other person.

See where I am getting at? To understand your calling begins in the beginning. Not in the middle or the end. And usually someone who is at this stage of wanting to understand their calling is looking for something more then just the ordinary. So let's take some time together and rest and relax in the Lord about our callings. Because they are there and we haven't missed out on anything. I promise.

Homework:

Get out your writing gear and Bible. Put pen to paper and get your hear out. If you don't already journal I suggest you start. There is nothing more soothing then being heard if all it ever means is you just putting it down in a private place for yourself. Let God in and let go. Write out all your zanny passions, ideas, dreams and ideals. There isn't anything perfect in this world no matter how many people tell you they have it. BUT, God can set you in a place that is perfect for you. Isn't that what we are asking for?

I thought so. :-)

September Series {Surving Change}

Hello dear readers,

This is one of those moments where you get a shot of the real. Ready for it?

Of all people I thought I was someone that probably adjusted to change better than others. I'm a chameleon when it comes to change I reminded myself. What I didn't know is that maybe it is me changing (ha ha) or it is my age but I feel like change this time around, especially with the recent news of me and my husband moving has been harder then I ever expected.

Now don't get me wrong. I am THRILLED about the adventure ahead. A new house, a new neighborhood, neighbors, a church, weather (definitely not as cold as Duluth) a new job, a new basically everything. I guess then that newness doesn't really shake me up that much. Maybe the absense of routine does. Ha. Found it.

See, since I have been married which may I remind you hasn't been that long I guess (over 11 months now) I have found that the routine of being all cuddled up with my hubby who is now missing in action living out his already new life as the other half in his new job in a new city far, far away from me has me not doing as well as I expected to.

I found that thinking I was a rather solitary creature anyway, needed more social interaction then I thought I did, really shook me up. Another surprise. Also, that maybe I am verging on the insane because I do answer my questions when I talk to myself, and maybe, just maybe, I am blue more then I thought I was because he makes me smile like no one else does.

So does that make me a needy person? Someone that can't stand on her own and be independant? That really bothered me. In fact, I was really upset by it. "You are a grown women, I said to myself one day while my little eyes teared up curling my hair one morning getting ready for work, "for heavens sake, lace up your big girl boots and kick the whole, youneedtobesocialandthatsjustthewayitis, crap out the door." As you notice my thought life towards myself isn't always stellar. lol.

I couldn't call anyone to chat. I couldn't stalk my Instagram friends and let it slip by, and I couldn't sit and read a book, listen to a song or watch a sappy girl movie without feeling it. I was lonely, and I was not enjoying this change. "FACE it, I said to myself grumpily, "this is who I am. I need people. Fine. FINE!" Grrr. See, I told you I talk to myself.

What I realized was missing was one serious change that I had let SLIP through my fingers. What I forgot almost was that I was a child of God. Not alone like I thought I was. Not invincible to change. AND, I was going to be fine. This didn't mean the end of the world. In fact this alone time meant the time I was craving most before this alone time. Time to hunker down, take out my tissue box and worship and pray. Because I needed it. I wasn't a very nice person without it. Without HIM.

God has taught me some things about change over the course of this last month. Which is why in part I didn't post anything about change like I wanted to at the beginning of this month.

Yes, I have gone through loss of a father, heart aches and heart breaks and who hasn't. Really? But, I knew that now as an adult going through these moments I could sit back and really take it in and realize what was happening. I needed a God intervention. I needed to understand that He was there for me even when I was alone. See, when I have experienced change I was surrounded. By my sisters, by my classmates, by distractions. I have busy sisters now, I am no longer a college student (thank GOD) and I don't have many distractions beside wondering what I want to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. :-)

Could I learn to trust my Jesus in my loneliness and let Him take control of my unburdened heart and let His BIG love and light shine through. Sure. I could try. But that silence at first was as silent as hearing NO pins drop. Do you hear anything when a feather drops? That was where I was at. I had to start all over again. I had to become like a little child and have a conversation on my dady's knee. But I didn't know how to do that when I hadn't even had that in my life with my real dad.

So I climbed up. At first, I was worried about tearing His robe as I tried to pull myself up. At first I was worried that my tears would leave mascara marks on his shoulder. At first, I was afraid that if He heard me cry He would think I was gross and disgusting for finally realizing that I needed help for loneliness and that I finally realized that I was a basket case and needed help. At first, I was worried that He would be disappointed in me because I was angry about unresolved things, worried about what I should do next, and that I didn't have any plans or goals for my future layed out. I was just a slobbering mess of insecurities and anger and LONELINESS.

He pulled me up. I didn't tear anything. I cried all over Him and He didn't push me away or run for the Tide pen to clean His robe from the flood of ink. He didn't make me feel stupid or less loved when I told Him that I felt stupid, that I should have known better. Instead, He pulled me in closer then I could have imagined. So close that I could barely breathe at times because He didn't want any extra room for anything else between us but just me and Him. Do you know how soft His lap is? How caring His eyes are? How comforting His warm hand feels on your heart? If you don't you're missing out.

Wow. I felt reborn again. All of a sudden all the anger, all the "what ifs" all the frustration I had inside and loneliness that I had felt before lifted. It wasn't that it was gone. BUT, now I had the tools to approach them as a more put together woman that God created me to be.

Daniel was chuckling at me the other day. "How's the sanding going sweetheart?" I had been sanding for what felt like hours. My arms were BURNING, my heart was pounding and I was getting tired. Whew. I wasn't mad, I wasn't resentful for having to do it but I was huffing up a storm. It was HARD work. "Good, I said. In fact, this is perfect devil stomping work. Really cathartic actually" I texted back. And I did. I stomped stomped and stomped some more. Taking back territory in my life that needed changing. One of them being those thoughts in my mind. I needed to give God control over my thoughts. I needed to CHANGE this area of me that could destroy my outlook on life. NOW.

What I am most thankful for is that Jesus never changes. He is constant. I need that. I need constancy. One routine you can always count on is Him loving you. He doesn't just show up for dinner, or special times at dessert parties, He is always there. Even better, close to you, in your being, your heart. Nothing quiet like it.

So in this season of change, how do you handle it gracefully? I've got one tip for you. Give YOURSELF grace. Oh and if I can add another. Pray. Keep Jesus close. Meditate on His words of change in the Bible. I love what Charles Spurgeon says....

“It is well for us that, amidst all the variableness of life, there is One whom change cannot affect; One whose heart can never alter, and on whose brow mutability can make no furrows.”

One particular verse that I spoke over my heart every day was this one from Number 23:19 that reads:

God is not human, that he should lie,

not a human being, that he should change his mind.

Does he speak and then not act?

Does he promise and not fulfill?

 

My point exactly. Nuff said.

 

Join me next month for October's series on finding your role as a daughter of the king in all the mess of life. I think you'll really enjoy it. I sure did.

Until next time....